I Am a Conqueror

by Sandra on October 9, 2014

I am a conqueror of domestic violence! However I struggled with having healthy relationships. I sort counseling, both spiritual and none. Yet  Something was still missing. I had to figure out on my own how to have a healthy relationship with myself. The first step for me was to acknowledge my pain. I was forced to open Pandora’s Box and release memories of abuse and painful experiences within. This was not an easy task. We all have painful memories buried so deep inside us that we feel it is easier to just let them stay buried. We may feel that somehow if we do not acknowledge them, they will disappear. They will not disappear…not on their own.

In life our issues surface and re-surface causing us pain until we finally decide to deal with them in some way. The first step is acknowledging some things must change. Get in a quite space and go within. Self-realization is the most important awareness you can have. As a matter of fact, some of the most significant and meaningful aspects of your journey may be embarked upon alone—but of course you are never alone.   You were not alone as a child. You are not alone now. You will not be alone as you move from hurt to healing and from devastation to restoration. Romans 8:32 states, “If God be for us, who can be against us.” God is always present.   And He said, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” (Exodus 33:14, NJV) You are loved. You are supported.

In my alone-time, I often blamed myself for my past experience with abuse.   I felt I was not worthy of receiving love and respect in my intimate relationships. I know it is a cliché, but I looked for love in all the wrong places. As a result, I found myself in one abusive relationship after another. I settled for people I knew were not right for me, no matter how badly they made me feel. It was only when I really allowed myself to believe that the abuse I experienced was not my fault that I stopped feeling guilty for the terrible things that happened to me. Letting go of feelings of guilt and blame was very liberating. It did not happen overnight though. Shutting done the EGO was a daily practice.

Beginning the healing process meant I had to take a risk. This was scary and definitely painful.   Beginning the healing process meant I had to die to some things, which is absolutely terrifying. New Life is about taking chances and what seem like risks. To get the very best, you have to become the very best and believe you deserve the very best. To get to your best, however, you have to get at and out your worst!

To get to my best, I realized I had to confront my painful past, open my spirit, close my eyes, let go and trust that my God would not forsake me. I had to take a leap from the dark and jagged cliff of the past into the open ocean of God’s arms. I jumped into the ocean and I did not drown. To receive the love and the healthy relationships you want, you must first have a healthy relationship with God and yourself. Journaling is a tool that I used to help me learn to be present with myself. It is a very powerful tool and I strongly encourage you to try it.   Begin by simply writing your thoughts and feelings in a journal. If you do not have a journal at this time, you can start by writing your thoughts down on paper. It does not really matter much what you write your thoughts on. Just start writing. Expressing your feelings, fears, hopes, and dreams on paper can be very powerful and freeing. Remember — You are a CONQUEROR!

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